Eat Shit and Prosper

Kaitlin Hunter, 20, has experienced a series of misadventures lately, surviving a near-fatal auto accident only to develop a horrifying infection in her colon.  To paraphrase CNN, a timely shit transplant saved Hunter’s ass. 

Doubtless, we are all familiar with the expression “Eat shit and die,” but this story would seem to invalidate the insult.  It should be “Eat shit and live!”  Wouldn’t you know it was Hunter’s mom who donated the shit for the shit transplant, after Hunter’s colon became stricken by Clostridium difficile (C. diff), a bacterial infection that kills 14,000 Americans each year, according to the CDC. 

The C. diff apparently set in when Hunter was given antibiotics as a precautionary measure during her recovery from the auto accident, lowering her colon’s defenses.  The infection did not respond to further treatment, making the maternal shit transplant a life-saving act.  Is this the ultimate gift a mother can bestow on her child, the Gift of Shit?

IDIOT DRIVES TRUK

In Wisconsin, an Army veteran was questioned by police after painting the slogan "OBAMA FUK OFF" on the back of his vintage Chevy pickup truck. 

Dennis Hamm insists he did not misspell the word "fuck."  In fact, "FUK" is an acronym denoting "Fundamentally Useless Kenyan."  Wow.  Apparently, Hamm wants everyone to be clear on the fact that he is a racist, not someone who commits spelling errors while defacing his own vehicle.

Awesomely, the Sheriff's Department report also contains weird spelling errrors ("larege").

I'm not sure why Hamm's status as an Army veteran is relevant.  Does it make his attempt at profanity any less pathetic?  And what could "Obama Fundamentally Useless Kenyan Off" possibly mean?