According to South Korean news reports, the perpetually dying Kim Jong-il is now being treated for life-threatening pancreatic cancer.
Someone at North Korea’s "Longevity Institute" will have to be fired and sent to a remote gulag. The Longevity Institute, an arm of the finance and accounting department of the Workers’ Party, is charged with maintaining Kim’s health for the ages, an increasingly unworkable task.
The Institute ensures that Kim receives the highest quality food in great abundance, such as rice from special farms in Mundok County. Officials carefully examine each individual grain of rice before cooking the rice over a flame with firewood obtained from Mt. Paekdu.
Kim drinks bottled mineral water from dedicated springs. His team of Italian chefs deliver him hot pizza on demand. He is said to eat shark-fin soup no fewer than three times a week. Kim regularly indulges in lobster, but prefers boshintang, or dog soup.
The Longevity Institute may not succeed in granting Kim eternal life, but it has succeeded in fattening him.
Author Michael Breen calls Kim Jong-il "the only Fat Bastard in the whole country."
Under Kim’s dear leadership, 10% of his country’s population has starved.