Showing posts with label Russia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Russia. Show all posts

Friday, November 13, 2009

RUSSIANS REELECT PUTIN

In the latest polling, the person most often identified as “a real man” by Russians is erstwhile Russian President and current Secret Russian President Vladimir Putin.

The results demonstrate Putin’s disproportionate popularity with the ladies. While 16% of women prefer Putin, only 11% of men are similarly aroused by Putin’s incomparable real-manliness.

Soviet actor and troubadour Vladimir Vysotsky and maritime actor Konstantin Khabensky share second place in the polling data (7% each).

Obviously Mr. Putin must assassinate these men before they become any more “real.”

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Friday, August 28, 2009

POISON CONNOISSEUR KEELS OVER

A strange obituary appeared in the Russian press last month, describing a “successful entrepreneur” whose life took an improbable turn when, during a prison stint, he learned to ingest great quantities of poison.

Poison connoisseur Dmitry Butakov, of Lipetsk, had but one superpower–the ability to withstand and enjoy lethal doses of toxic substances.

Butakov would begin his typical lunch with an invigorating glass of acetone before eating a ball of mercury and drinking a bottle of antifreeze, often performing this ritual on camera for the local media.

Butakov baffled medical experts when he suffered no apparent harm after eating toadstools and drinking dissolvent. His test results showed a lethal dose of poison in his bloodstream, but toxicologists agreed that the poison did not appear to have penetrated his system or affected his cells.

His final coolant bender would have a different outcome, of course. Butakov became ill and was rushed to a hospital after drinking antifreeze with a cola chaser. He died several days later of severe blood poisoning.

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I am inclined to believe this incredible story is an urban legend. I have been unable to locate any photgraphs or videos of Butakov, even though he was reportedly under the nearly constant surveillance of the news media. The obituaries, appearing in Pravda and other Russian news media, provide no clue as to the date or even the year of Butakov's demise.

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Friday, July 24, 2009

THE RUSSIAN OBAMA

Joakim Krima is neither Russian nor Obama.

The 37-year-old candidate for mayor of Volgograd has been dubbed the "Volgograd Obama" and the "Black Russian" by local reporters (Krima would prefer to be called "Vasily Ivanovich" or "The New Head of the Region.").

Even Krima’s supporters joke that the Guinea-Bissau native, who sells watermelons for a living, will "work like a slave" on behalf of his constituency.

Pravda calls the campaign "a scandal," noting that Krima bills himself as a Russian citizen and uses "the racial issue" to advance his candidacy.

Krima has adopted the name Vasily Ivanovich in homage to Russian military hero Vasily Chapayev.

Roadside billboards have appeared in the city formerly known as Stalingrad, featuring Krima’s image and the campaign slogan "The New Head of the Region."

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